F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Warning!!!! May contain mild language and off-colour humour. Please try to keep it clean and for all age groups folks.
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Stringy Old Chicken
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F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Post by Happy » Sun Jun 11, 2017 11:17 am

This was an actual Craigslist ad (that got removed pretty fast lol) I have tried to clean it up. What a great marketing strategy lol!

Meet Kevin the rooster. Or as I call him, F'n Kevin.

Let me tell you about F'n Kevin.

First I'm gonna tell you why you need Kevin.

Have too much Natty Lite last night at The Pig? Well, in the event you forgot to lock this mf in the coop, he will be at your window at 4 f'n a.m. cockadoodledooing his butt six ways to Sunday. Now, let's say you were sober and remember to shut the coop so he doesn't see sunlight. This mf has an internal clock that rivals that of Mother Nature, herself. Guess what? 5 a.m., he's singing the song of his people non-stop till you come and let his butt out.

F'n Kevin.

Now, I'm sure if you want a rooster you got hens. That's where this mf shines. We have had NO problems with predators. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Even when Kevin was a wee young lad, he would see a predatory bird, make one call, and all his bitches would be under cover. My 90-pound Great Pyrenees decides he's hungry and wants to try Chicken a la fresh. Kevin will chase that dog and make him cower in a corner. Foxes and coyotes don't stand a chance.
F'n Kevin.

So, back to the hens. You need a strong rooster full of gusto to fertilize them and make you some eggs for you to incubate into chickens for yuppies to buy their four-year-old brats. Let me tell you about Kevin. This mf had a three-way with two of my daughter's hens, Elsa and Anna. He is into some kinky stuff. But not just them. He walks into the coop like "What up? I'm a big cock!" and all the other girls bow to him. Even Cocoa.

F'n Kevin.

Now, the reasons why I want Kevin gone.

Remember what I said about 5 a.m. "if" you lock him in his coop? Well, the neighbors don't take too kindly to that, especially if I forget to lock him in and he's at the neighbors window at 4:15 singing the song of his people.

The whole protective thing? Well my five-year-old daughter loves to play with the hens and pick them up. Kevin is about as big as she is. And if he ain't afraid of a 90-lb dog with fangs, he sure ain't afraid of no little girl. She walks over to her girlies to pick them up, he is all over her like a hog on slop.

F'n Kevin.

So, the skinny: You come and catch him, he's yours free and clear! Great rooster in every sense of the word. Horrible pet for a family with a few acres. I gotta catch him for you? 20 bucks and medical bills.

Seriously though, he's a great rooster. But he is a little aggressive towards our daughter, and the neighbors don't like his 5 a.m. wake-up calls. A great rooster, if you need one.

F'n Kevin.

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Ontario Chick
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Re: F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Post by Ontario Chick » Sun Jun 11, 2017 3:57 pm

Keeper of Blue & Columbian Wyandottes, Blue Ameraucanas

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Henny Penny
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Re: F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Post by kenya » Sun Jun 11, 2017 8:47 pm

Ha! Ha!

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Stringy Old Chicken
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Re: F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Post by baronrenfrew » Sun Jun 11, 2017 9:24 pm

Bloody good! And a cocky bass turd at that!
Diligently follow the path of two swords as one. Percieve that which the eye cannot see. Seek the truth in all things. Do not engage in useless activity.

The Book of Five Rings, Miyamoto Musashi, Japan's greatest swordsmen

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Re: F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Post by windwalkingwolf » Sun Jun 11, 2017 10:03 pm

roflmbo roflmbo roflmbo
That was awesome!

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Flat Rock Farm
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Re: F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Post by Flat Rock Farm » Thu Jun 15, 2017 6:59 am

OMG!!!!! BaaHaaHaa!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Just lovin my chickens :yippiechickie:

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Re: F'n Kevin - a bit rude so fairly warned

Post by Poultryprincess » Fri Jun 16, 2017 11:13 pm

hee hee hee hee
LUV the "simple life" ~ Good Friends, quaint farm, CRITTERS & my Patient Hubby since 1970 :rooster-171:

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