More church bulleetins

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More church bulleetins

Post by Farrier1987 » Thu Jun 10, 2021 6:17 pm

"If you need to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly."
"The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir."
"Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson's sermons."
"Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers."
"Maundy Thursday service: The ladies of the altar guild will be stripping on the altar."
"Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get."
"The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning."
"The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church."
"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our Church and community."
"Church office will be closed Monday. Halleluia. Halleluia."
"A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday."
"The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."
"A cookbook is being compiled by the ladies of the church. Please submit your favorite recipe, also a short antidote for it."
"Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding."
"Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why."
"Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion."
"Mr. Bradford was elected and has accepted the office of head deacon. We could not get a better man."
"Announcement to the Moms Who Care ladies group: There will be no Moms who care this week."
"Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."
"Thank you Steve, who once again has worked hard to clean the pastor off the basement floor."
"After the sermon: A moment of silence for prayer and medication."
"Visitors are asked to sing their names at the church entrance."
"The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances."
"Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."
"The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."
"Ushers will swat the latecomers."
"The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience."
"The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her."
"It's Drug Awareness Week: Get involved in drugs before your children do."
"Great news! Doctors have performed a CAT scan on Pastor McLaren's head and report that they have found nothing!"
"Please sigh during offering."
"Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary."
"Men's Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted."
"If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket."
"The sermon this morning: 'Contemporary Issues #3 - Euthanasia.' The closing song: 'Take My Life.'"
"The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains."
"There has never been a bitter time to invite your fiends to church."
"During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit."
Farrier1987. South of Chatham on Lake Erie. Chickens, goats, horse, garden, dog, cat. Worked all over the world. Know a little bit about a lot of things. No incubator, broody hens.

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